If your first marriage ended in divorce, you may have had high hopes that your second marriage would remain strong, maybe for the rest of your life. It seemed right at the start. Perhaps you made each other laugh, shared similar interests and just felt comfortable together. Your respective children got along well enough, and things seemed promising.
You may be wondering why, after the sorrow and trauma of your first divorce, you would even be considering going through it again. Nevertheless, if your second marriage is not turning out the way you expected, you may be wondering if the warnings about the high divorce rate of second marriages are true after all.
Why do second marriages end?
Some studies show that about 45 percent of first marriages end in divorce. Unfortunately, 60 percent of second marriages wind up in divorce court, and the divorce rate increases with each subsequent marriage. Why is this? Common sense says that, if you have already gone through a marriage and divorce, you would know how to avoid the pitfalls that spoil a relationship. Apparently, this isn't so.
Psychologists who work with struggling couples pinpoint a number of reasons why second marriages so frequently end in divorce. You may see your own situation in some of these factors:
- You may be torn between your devotion to your new spouse and your relationship with your children from a previous marriage. On the other hand, as a new spouse, you may resent the time and attention your spouse gives to the children of the first marriage.
- The exes of you or your new spouse create financial hardship for you by demanding more child or spousal support payments.
- One of you is reluctant to be burned again financially, so you insist on keeping your money separate. This tends to stir up issues of trust.
- Having gone through a divorce already, you no longer have the fear of uncertainty. This may make it easier for your mind to go to the option of divorce when things are not ideal between you and your new spouse.
There is always the possibility that you have not yet faced or even figured out what went wrong in your first marriage. Some people in Texas believe that finding the right partner will make a perfect marriage or that the marriage is over when the feelings fade. However, this is not always the case, and having honest conversations with your spouse may help you reach an understanding. If this step is not fruitful, seeking legal advice may be the next logical step.